VIDEOS: 13 SNL Commercials and Me
Last week I had a pretty eventful Saturday. This is more or less how it went down.
-MATT
9:00 AM: Wake up. My head is pounding and I am thoroughly parched. I knew that 5th strawberry daiquiri was a mistake, but I couldn’t let the guys at the bar think that I was a Nancy. I am in desperate need of something cool, refreshing, and…viscous. I head to the refrigerator and pull out an ice cold bottle of…
Swill Mineral Water
Swill Mineral Water - The best bloopers are here
9:15 AM: Boy, that really hit the spot. Now that I’ve quenched my thirst, I focus my attention on the enormous appetite that I’ve built up during my slumber. I am seriously starving. Now I know what it felt like to be Jared when he was on the Subway diet, minus the being a complete loser part, of course.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And when I say “they,” I mean the Kellogg’s Corporation. Anyways, I tend to agree with them. I need a breakfast that will prepare me for all the physical activity that I’ll be doing throughout the course of the day. I also need something that will cleanse my colon. For the first goal, I reach for a big box of…
Little Chocolate Donuts
John Belushi - Donuts Of Champions
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And for the second goal, there’s nothing better than…
Colon Blow
(except maybe for Super Colon Blow).
Colon Blow
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9:30-11:30 AM: Experienced the effects of colon blow. Note to self: Buy new toilet.
11:30 AM: Brushed teeth, showered, and shaved. I head to my closet to pick out my clothing for this afternoon. I don’t really have to get dressed up for anything, but I am going out to grab some lunch with my buddy Mike. I’ve decided today’s going to be the day that I finally tell him about me hooking up with his 17 year-old sister Stacey. I guess I’ll put on a pair of…
Bad Idea Jeans
BAD IDEA JEANS
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12:00PM: Hop in my car and drive to the restaurant. The roads around town are littered with cracks and potholes, but my ride is as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Or so I’ve heard. It’s not like I’m some pervert who goes around feeling babies’ bottoms. Anyways, my ride is smooth because I drive a…
Royal Deluxe II
1:00 PM: Well, I learned two things about my friend Mike this afternoon. First of all, he really cares about his sister. Secondly, he’s got a pretty mean right cross.
1:30 PM: I got home and was given a friendly greeting by my dog, Geordi LaForge (He’s blind and possibly gay). Geordi looks hungry, so I filled up his food bowl and placed it in front of him. He refused to eat anything.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is this food not up to your high standards? That’s funny because I know for a fact that you were eating CRAYONS yesterday. I’ll tell you what. Next time Iron Chef Morimoto is in town, I’ll have him whip you up a nice 5 course meal using crayons as the secret ingredient, but until then just eat your freaking dog food.”
My diatribe worked and Geordi ate his food. I’m so glad I bought that DVD…
Dissing Your Dog
Dissing Your Dog
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2:00 PM: As Geordi merrily eats his food, I notice something on the ground next to his bowl. Oh God, I hope that’s not what I think it is. Crap, it’s a rat turd. I knew it was a mistake to rent out my spare room to those animal researchers. Oh well, I’ve still got a nearly full bag of…
Petchow Rat Poison
Petchow Rat Poison
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3:00 PM: I look out the window and notice the neighbor kids laughing and playing in their yard. Good for them. Their father’s an alcoholic and their mother’s a prostitute, but they’re not going to let that ruin their fun.
Wow, those kids sure are having a good time. What is that red ball they’re staring at? Is that a…
Happy Fun Ball
SNL-Happy Fun Ball Commercial
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3:05 PM: The ambulance rolls up and all three of the neighbor kids are taken away on stretchers. I knew it was a mistake when I saw Billy taunting the Happy Fun Ball.
6:00 PM: The doorbell rings. Oh crap, I forgot I invited Candy over for dinner and drinks this evening! I took one look at the stained t-shirt that I was wearing and I realized that I desperately needed to change into a nicer shirt. Unfortunately, the only clean shirts I had were an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt and a Lacoste polo. I started to put on the “I’m with stupid” t-shirt, when I noticed a can on my dresser. Of course, I’ll use my…
Shirt in a Can
Shirt in a Can
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6:02 PM: My skin burned a bit, but I was looking good. Not as good as Candy though. She was wearing tight jeans and a low-cut top. She looked absolutely stunning. Way better than when I first saw her on stage at the strip club. I welcomed her into my home and then I headed straight to the stereo. I wanted to set the mood, so I popped in my favorite CD…
Buh-Weet Sings
Buh-Weet Sings
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6:05 PM: I opened a fresh box of Franzia and poured some wine for Candy and myself. Things were going pretty well, but I still had no idea what to do about dinner. I told Candy to make herself comfortable while I excused myself into the kitchen to check on the food.
I opened the freezer and surveyed its contents: a half-full bottle of vodka, a tray with three ice cubes, and about a dozen TMNT ice cream bars that I had taken before I got fired from my job as an ice cream truck driver. I don’t care what anybody says. Refusing to sell ice cream to fat kids isn’t discriminatory, it’s actually quite noble.
The refrigerator didn’t have much to offer either, save for a few fish that I had purchased at the market the other day.
“Oh, snap! I know just what to do for dinner.” I grabbed the fish out of the fridge and laid them on the counter. Then I pulled out my trusty…
Super Bass-O-Matic ‘76
SNL - Super Bass-O-Matic 76
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6:30 PM: While I was busy preparing the fish, the phone rang. My hands were fishy, so I couldn’t answer it, but I was able to hear the message being left on my answering machine.
“Hey Matt, it’s Stacey. I got the poem that you wrote me and the flowers that you sent, and I have to say I’m flattered. I really am. But you’re 23 and I’m only 17. I just don’t think it’s going to work out. And about the other night, don’t worry. That type of thing happens to a lot of gu…”
I ripped the answering machine from the wall before Stacey could humiliate me any further. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. Candy left without saying a word, and I was left with no one to share my bass milkshake with.
7:30 PM: Well, the night wasn’t exactly going as planned, but I wasn’t ready to give up. I called up some buddies and told them to stop by and we could have some drinks before we headed out to the bar.
About half an hour later Lance, Bruce, and Henry showed up with two cases of their favorite beer…
Schmitt’s Gay
SNL: Schmitt’s Gay
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3 AM: The night was kind of a blur, but I think I had a good time. I stumbled into my house and went straight to bed. After a night of heavy drinking, I sometimes have control problems while I’m sleeping. Luckily for me, that night I was wearing a pair of…
Oops I Crapped My Pants
[UPDATE: Garfield Ridge finds Bathroom Monkey and Old Glory Robot Insurance. -HENRY]
Since we know you so well, you'll like this too:
Matt said,
February 21, 2007 @ 5:19 pm
Where’s the Yard-a-Pult? And Cookie Dough Sport?
frank said,
February 21, 2007 @ 5:46 pm
Or where is Hedley and Weyches British toothpaste
Jason said,
February 21, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
Where’s Wilson Trap Doors?
Burt said,
February 21, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
Or my favorite “AM Ale”
Eric said,
February 21, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
what about the Taco Town commercial???
Matt said,
February 21, 2007 @ 6:16 pm
Great suggestions everyone. I’m going to see how many of them I can find on the web. If I can locate enough of them, I’ll definitely make another post.
DannY said,
February 21, 2007 @ 6:20 pm
You totally need Uncle Jemima’s Pure Mash Liquor =)
leon phelps said,
February 21, 2007 @ 6:35 pm
where’s robot insurance
CatBrains said,
February 21, 2007 @ 6:39 pm
As long as people are throwing out suggestions… how about Old Glory Insurance?
“I don’t know why the scientists even make them!”
Myname said,
February 21, 2007 @ 7:12 pm
don’t forget the amazin lazer
CaptainFunk said,
February 21, 2007 @ 7:17 pm
Nerf Crotch bats, three legged jeans and robot insurance are where it’s at.
Kara said,
February 21, 2007 @ 7:27 pm
litter critters anyone?
Captain Ned said,
February 21, 2007 @ 7:35 pm
As long as you’re searching, how ’bout Pre-Chew Charlie’s and Del Stator’s Toad Ranch?
matt said,
February 21, 2007 @ 7:43 pm
Bathroom monkey and Big Red were both classic
Optimus_X said,
February 21, 2007 @ 8:46 pm
What about uncle jemima’s malt Liquor and nigga please…those were THE BEST!!!!
Nick said,
February 21, 2007 @ 8:58 pm
Can’t forget about the Shredder, Clear Gravy, Russell and Tate Attorneys at law
Bunny said,
February 21, 2007 @ 9:13 pm
One more suggestion–Gangsta Bitch Barbie
bob davies said,
February 21, 2007 @ 10:12 pm
What about Lung Brush?
kevin said,
February 21, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
what about cookie dough gatorade, or crystal gravy. two of my favorites.
Gentry said,
February 21, 2007 @ 10:46 pm
Tylenol BM!
-Oh my God..did you just shit the bed?
-I don’t know, you tell me.
Elissa said,
February 22, 2007 @ 12:19 am
MOM JEANS! Best ever.
I also like Gaystroven, for those who’ve lost their gay. Hehe.
Tanner said,
February 22, 2007 @ 12:34 am
first change bank, the chameleon, crystal gravy, alec baldwin in for valtrex was great, too
colin said,
February 22, 2007 @ 2:52 am
corn chip nail tips. actually kinda lame but the song’s been stuck in my head for years
kez said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:17 am
love toilet
Jimbo said,
February 22, 2007 @ 6:07 am
The Adobe!
Brettzky said,
February 22, 2007 @ 7:44 am
What? No “Taste Buds”???
Snatch Pincher said,
February 22, 2007 @ 8:18 am
hey, does anybody remember the british toothpaste commercial?? Chris Farley with the lil hat and the chops? I wish I could find that somewhere.
hotlunch said,
February 22, 2007 @ 8:44 am
Bathroom Monkey is the best. MONKEY HATE CLEAN!
Robin said,
February 22, 2007 @ 8:58 am
I’m dying for a copy of John-John Mackey’s Storm Tracker Accu-cast. Any one?
Please? I’ve been trying to find this for about 5 years 
McBride said,
February 22, 2007 @ 8:59 am
What about the Lux 402- The Car for Crazy People? and Robot Insurance?!?
Karen said,
February 22, 2007 @ 9:53 am
Please, please find ColdCock Malt Liquor!
PeterPanic said,
February 22, 2007 @ 11:25 am
What about “Ass Don’t Smell”?
Infidel said,
February 22, 2007 @ 12:03 pm
http://www.clownpenis.fart
Ed said,
February 22, 2007 @ 12:16 pm
No suggestions yet, but if I get to bed tonight before viewing all the featured vids, i will hopefully think of something. Epic blog post.
the cornballer said,
February 22, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
bathroom monkey is essential, as is homocil (”because it’s your problem, not theirs”) and the woomba, but most important is definitely WADE BLASINGAME, DOG ATTORNEY. come ON.
mike said,
February 22, 2007 @ 1:43 pm
Nice list. Make sure not to mention:
WIll Farrell as the anti-dog attorney
Chris Rock in the Reebok Pump Turkey
or
Chia-Head
Schmidt’s gay was funny. That show has sucked for years though. Thank god its dead, I can still hear people quoting the church lady. Fuck me.
Neil Edward Hansen said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:05 pm
Matt you’re one funny guy. Maybe we can meet in real life. I’ll be dreaming of it.
nunnma said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:45 pm
The Cluckin Chicken was hillarious too. Clucky was awesome.
“Hey kids, how’s the me?!”
Josh said,
February 22, 2007 @ 3:58 pm
What about Canus- cologne for dogs?
Mike said,
February 22, 2007 @ 4:25 pm
Right up there when “Swill” was out, there also was “Quarry - Cause it’s mined” the rocky breakfast cereal
BillBrasky said,
February 22, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
Great list! But what about Cookie Dough Sport?
Funky Video » Blog Archive » Collections Around the Globe #6 (Movies & TV) said,
February 22, 2007 @ 4:53 pm
[…] SNL Commercials and Me [ Brohans […]
BG said,
February 23, 2007 @ 2:22 am
How ’bout “Clownpenis.fart” — that one still makes me laugh:
http://webfeedcentral.com/2005/09/30/httpclownpenisfart/
Dustin said,
February 23, 2007 @ 9:45 am
What about Mercury Mistress?!?!?! “it gives a digital readout of your performance”
Mitch said,
February 23, 2007 @ 3:14 pm
The best SNL commercial ever for me is The BioFlex Proto Sapien. Will Ferrel versus a “genetically engineered humanoid” for exercise? I laughed so hard I cried!
Justin said,
February 23, 2007 @ 5:53 pm
You definitely need Old Glory insurance.
“The eat old people’s medicine for fuel”
DeathStarInc.com: Your Source For The Dark Side of the Force said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:03 pm
[…] There are a ton more funny SNL videos here […]
Jon said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:05 pm
Handi-Off
with Leprosin!
“That tingle will tell you it’s working. In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear”
William said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:11 pm
Anybody remember the parody of all the Amy Fisher movies that came out at the same time. BET Presents - “Amy Fisher - One Messed Up Bitch”. Got to be my favorite of all time.
KieranMullen said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:12 pm
You forgot crystal gravy… one that made fund of Crystal Pepsi
Clarke said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:22 pm
I was hoping I would see Triopenin - that was my favourite.
Kim said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:49 pm
How has no one mentioned, “It’s a floor wax…It’s a dessert topping…No, it’s BOTH!”???
Opinions Daily » Best of the Web 2/23/07, Fox News Attack Barack Obama said,
February 23, 2007 @ 6:51 pm
[…] 13 classic SNL commercials […]
David said,
February 23, 2007 @ 7:14 pm
Um…the BEST one is a spoof on the old Budweiser commercial that went “Bring out your best….”…A hockey commercial with Robin Williams and Joe Piscipoe (sp?) facing off. Hilllllarious!
Also the proto-sapien bioflex was awesome too.
Logan said,
February 23, 2007 @ 7:27 pm
Wade Blasingame:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/24806/dog_lawyer/
Skiboy said,
February 23, 2007 @ 7:51 pm
List is also missing Hot Wheels Meat Wagon
regalcub said,
February 23, 2007 @ 7:51 pm
Dysfunctional Family Christmas
Hey You Perfume
Can’t remember the name, but it was classic hit songs that were made into commercials, like “Hey! You! Leggo My Eggo” (’Get offa my cloud’)
The commercial played during the Japanese version of Laverne and Shirley that showed a little kid and a Rice Krispies Treats sort of snack but had a quick shot of a giant bug in between showing the snack.
The Leslie Nielsen line of products
Peter Lemon Moodring
(*Yes, I am very old. ; -)
Mark said,
February 23, 2007 @ 8:01 pm
My favorite one that is missing is for the “Woomba”.
Mike said,
February 23, 2007 @ 8:21 pm
what about Farley’s cold medicine? I think it was called HiberQuil or something? “Knocks you out cold for 6 weeks!” Loved that one
Jiminy said,
February 23, 2007 @ 8:24 pm
How about the trunk monkey.
Snailking said,
February 23, 2007 @ 8:32 pm
Change Bank! I cry in its absence.
Jayson Barclay said,
February 23, 2007 @ 9:14 pm
I always liked the adobe car commercial. Look I’m on the internet! I am a jackass! Area 860 ruleZ!
Josh said,
February 23, 2007 @ 9:57 pm
Let’s not forget “Jimmy Tango’s Fat Buster” or “Stevie Nick’s Fajita Roundup”?
Jimmy Scruggs said,
February 23, 2007 @ 10:43 pm
In addition to the many listed above, I feel that a few have been left out.
Quarry - the breakfast cereal made of rocks was always one of my favorites.
“Hybernol” was the name of the cold medicine that knocks Farley out for a month.
And if I’m not mistaken, “Triopnin” was an SCTV sketch. Could be wrong about that, though.
Mike said,
February 23, 2007 @ 10:57 pm
How about the Canon camera spoof where Stevie Wonder was playing tennis and then took his turn to operate the camera?
sean said,
February 23, 2007 @ 11:03 pm
I cant believe nobodies mentioned the Mercury Mistress. It only played on tv once
Nobody said,
February 23, 2007 @ 11:12 pm
Dr. Porkenheimer’s Boner Juice! Also, the roll-on low back tattoo remover was a hoot!
Sundry Best » Blog Archive » Top 13 SNL Commercials said,
February 24, 2007 @ 12:02 am
[…] sure I agree these are the top 13, but they’re a pretty funny collection. My only real complaint is that I’m pretty sure most of my friends bought the “Dissing […]
Steve said,
February 24, 2007 @ 12:11 am
Three Legged Jeans!!
David said,
February 24, 2007 @ 2:21 am
Who could ever forget the Swiffer Pajamas! Or the Breakfast Cereal with Ecstacy.
How about the Trak 3 razor: (which could have been used unchanged for last year for Gillette with the exception of the very last line, “Because You’ll Believe Anything”)
Charisma said,
February 24, 2007 @ 2:39 am
You’re missing the Mom Jeans commercial. That I thought, was the best. I can’t believe you don’t have it, I’m a tad disappointed!
Doogie said,
February 24, 2007 @ 4:16 am
Every single one of you forgot ‘Forever Kitty’. One of my favorites =)
ace said,
February 24, 2007 @ 4:19 am
Track 3 commercial.
Very timely- look at all the current razor products.
The current spoof would be on razor products with 10 - 12 blades.
Dubiousmike said,
February 24, 2007 @ 4:27 am
What about the bank commercial for the bank that only makes change
DemonMonkey said,
February 24, 2007 @ 4:42 am
Doesn’t include Action Cats, which makes me sad.
dusty said,
February 24, 2007 @ 5:18 am
Steve Martin’s All Natural Penis Beauty Cream
hollowex said,
February 24, 2007 @ 8:23 am
Two Words “BIG RED”
Josh said,
February 24, 2007 @ 10:09 am
The funniest one I can remember was the mega-absorbent tampon commercial where the woman jumps in the pool and sucks out all the water. Probably the funniest commercial ever.
jesse said,
February 24, 2007 @ 10:16 am
What about the SNL commercials about repairable cars made of clay
and Bounty tampons? Dog lawyer, Old Glory, and Mom jeans were good
commercials, too.
regal said,
February 24, 2007 @ 1:16 pm
“How Does She Do It? She Takes SPEED”
The housewife with the overly-organized paper bags from the supermarket… lol
Harry said,
February 24, 2007 @ 3:43 pm
clownpenis.fart is by far way way better than these
tango said,
February 24, 2007 @ 8:57 pm
Doesn’t anyone remember Autum Fizz, the carbonated douch,
Jewess Jeans, Quarry Breakfast Cereal, or Fluckers Jam?
meh said,
February 24, 2007 @ 9:00 pm
Why in the hell would you use myspace video? Only the youtube ones work for me, and I have seen both of those so many times that they’re no longer funny.
Best Saturday Night Live Commercials at Simply Reprehensible said,
February 25, 2007 @ 10:35 am
[…] just read this article from brohans.com that listed the 13 best commercials from Saturday Night Live. Check it out if you have time, […]
Psyberian said,
February 25, 2007 @ 8:23 pm
Glad to see someone mentioned Shimmer FloorWax/Dessert Topping “For the best shine you ever tasted.”
Or…
“You’ve just come off a hard day of brain surgery…now’s the time for Spud! The beer for people who can’t tell the difference.”
Shyanne said,
February 26, 2007 @ 1:31 am
LOL….
Love it! should be more please!
13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made at InnerPathos said,
February 26, 2007 @ 9:33 am
[…] of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made, god i love these.read more | digg […]
Nobody said,
February 28, 2007 @ 11:52 am
The Galactic Prophylactic was THE greatest.
“A layer of steel sandwiched between two layers of latex…”
Improvoker » The Best 13 SNL Commercials said,
February 28, 2007 @ 2:12 pm
[…] The 13 Best SNL TV Parodies This entry was written by Ben Whitehouse and posted on Feb 28, 2007 at 2:11 pm and filed under Asides. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Comments are closed, but you can leave a trackback: Trackback URL. Paramount Officially Announces Trek XI […]
john said,
March 3, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
it was funny but the bass o matic was stupid
13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made « News Coctail said,
March 8, 2007 @ 4:21 am
[…] of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made Filed under: Uncategorized — recar @ 9:18 am 13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made 13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made all on one […]
Jeremyderifield said,
March 10, 2007 @ 7:04 pm
Cannot find Crystal Gravy anywhere, ever. Anyone have that?
Propagandas Saturday Night Live « Favoritos said,
March 15, 2007 @ 10:24 am
[…] SNL Commercials - Part 1 […]
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March 23, 2007 @ 7:12 am
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Swill mineral water : American Rivers Blog said,
March 23, 2007 @ 2:19 pm
[…] More great old SNL commercials here. […]
professor said,
March 24, 2007 @ 2:22 pm
cluckin chicken and thor that shoots blood all over everyone.
SNL Commercials at marcusstenzel.com said,
March 25, 2007 @ 2:49 am
[…] This guy has several ads from over the years. […]
kaylen said,
March 31, 2007 @ 10:52 pm
WHERES AM ALE??? haha
Andrew D Williams » Blog Archive » 13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made said,
April 6, 2007 @ 7:39 pm
[…] of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made all on one site!read more | digg […]
Kaywinnit Leigh said,
June 4, 2007 @ 2:20 am
My Husband has been looking for “All Aboard The Freedom Train: The Duets of Neil Diamond and Bigfoot” forever, as that’s his favourite and we can’t find it anywhere…any ideas?
My favourites include Mom Jeans and the Back Tattoo Remover….Amy Poelher’s little Vacation Souvineer was priceless
Bollskya said,
September 6, 2007 @ 12:10 am
Nerf Crotch Bats. Can’t find it anywhere, but it was great - with Farley and Schneider. Oh, and KFC Shredders. Just a cup of lettuce and mayo.
13 of the Best SNL Commercials Ever Made « TV Shows and Television said,
October 9, 2007 @ 1:18 pm
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December 7, 2007 @ 7:23 am
soma buy needed my soma buy
me said,
January 19, 2008 @ 11:57 am
WEBMASTER… Your website is a piece of garbage. Maybe you ought to consider making your hypertext markup language actually hyperlink to the links on your website instead of some invalid server pages that display no video content whatsoever. Have a great day, idiot.
Rose said,
January 20, 2008 @ 2:26 am
I love the Super Feud with Dana Carvey and Patrick Swayze… OMG I wish I could find that somewhere. It just cracks me up!!!