Last week I posted 13 (or a “baker’s dozen” as they like to call it at my current place of employment) SNL commercial parody videos. They were some of the best ever made, but since I had no desire to make the world’s longest blog post, I had to exclude some other really good commercials. Well, now I’m back to post the rest. -MATT

NOTE: Only the best SNL commercial videos appear on this site. If you had an SNL commercial in mind, and it doesn’t appear in this post or my previous one, then that commercial is probably just not available on the internet. Or maybe your sense of humor just sucks.

Saturday
9:00 AM: Wake up. Geez, what the hell happened last night? I don’t remember having that much to drink. HOLY CRAP! WHO IS THAT WOMAN IN MY BED? My god, are those her jeans on the floor? But, but, those are…

Mom Jeans

Video [via YouTube]

Don’t panic. Think. What did I do last night? Alright, I started out by having a couple drinks while watching Ghost Whisperer. Around 9:30 I went out to the bar, had some more drinks, got shot down by some girls…and that’s when my memory starts getting a little hazy. Hmm, I think there was something involving a bum.

That’s right, during my walk home from the bar I gave a couple bucks to a homeless man that I passed. In return for my generosity, he offered me a couple slams from his liquor bottle. Being drunk, I gladly obliged, reasoning that the alcohol would kill any bacteria that may have been transferred from the vagrant’s lips to the bottle. I took one look at the label, and my bacteria killing assumption appeared to be well-founded. I doubt many microorganisms could survive in 190 proof…

Uncle Jemima’s Pure Mash Liquor

Uncle Jemima’s Pure Mash Liquor

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Video [via MySpace]

So that’s what caused my loss of memory from last night, but I still couldn’t explain the strange woman in my bed. I had to wake her up and get her out of there.

I gave her a gentle nudge. “Hey, wake up. I’ve got to get going.”

“Ugh, you said you didn’t have to go anywhere this morning,” came the reply from a much huskier voice than I was accustomed to hearing in my bed.

Just then, a strange object brushed past my leg. “What was that?”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s just my…

Woomba

Woomba

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Video [via MySpace]

“Well now that my lady business has been freshened up, how about we go for round 3?”

Round 3? I’ve gone two previous “rounds” with this ogre? The thought alone was enough to make me sick.

“Oh, I’m sorry, my stomach is killing me. I don’t really think that any sort of movement would be a very good idea at this point.”

“Haha,” she laughed, “I told you it was a mistake for you to eat that entire Pizza Crepe Taco Pancake Chili Bag at…

Taco Town

Taco Town

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Video [via MySpace]

I did have a vague recollection of talking to her at Taco Town. We obviously must’ve bonded over our common love for gourmet food, and I decided to take her back to my place. Fortunately for me, I still had no memory of any bedroom activities.

“Ok, well I guess I’ll get going so you can rest up,” she said as she was putting on her generously-cut jeans. “I’ve got to get home and take a pill anyways.”

“A pill! You mean like RU-486?”

“No, not RU-486. I don’t think any little swimmers were getting through that Galactic Prophylactic (video not shown) that you were wearing. No, I just have to take a pill because one of my sons…well let’s just say that he’s big into theatre and he really enjoys cooking. I’d rather not think about that stuff, so I just pop a couple pills. You know…

Homocil

SNL Fake commercial for Homocil

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Video [via MySpace]

She collected her things and showed herself to the door. As soon as I heard it slam, I let out a huge sigh of relief and then immediately rushed to the bathroom to try and scrub away the filthy feeling the last night’s adventure had left me with.

The first thing I did was to go to the sink to brush my teeth. I grabbed my brush and squeezed out a generous amount of…

Hedley & Wyche British Toothpaste

Hedley & Wyche

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Video [via MySpace]

With my mouth feeling clean (and tasting good), I headed to the shower and gave myself a thorough scrubbing. While I was in there, I couldn’t help but notice a slight buildup of mildew on the tiles. Hmm, maybe it’s time to get a new…

Bathroom Monkey

Video [via YouTube]

I checked, and sure enough, my old bathroom monkey had died. Those things sure don’t have much of a lifespan. The instructions didn’t specify, but I think I should’ve been feeding it every once in a while. Oh well, I think I’ll get the orangutan next time.

After finishing up in the bathroom, I lounged around and watched TV for a while. I usually like to get in a little workout to make me feel better about myself after a night of drinking, but I just wasn’t in the mood. Besides, I was heading to my grandma’s to get lunch that afternoon, and one never knows how long a workout will last when you’re using a…

Bioflex

SNL bioflex will ferrell

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Video [via MySpace]

While watching TV, I noticed the neighbor kids playing with some new toys. They had been released from the hospital after their Happy Fun Ball incident the previous week, and they were back in action. This time it looked like they had a few new toys, as well as a few stray cats, that they were playing with. Oh, that must be those new…

Action Cats

Action Cats - More amazing videos are a click away

Video [via Metacafe]

I watched the kids use cats to shoot tiny projectiles at each other for awhile, but then it was time to head out. I had to leave a little early because I had an errand to run before I met up with my grandma.

I had some dollar bills that were pretty badly wrinkled and 20 pennies that i needed to be converted into a dime and two nickels. Fortunately for me, I do my banking at…

First Citiwide Bank

Video [via YouTube]

It took about an hour, and I had to fill out a little bit of paperwork before they could process my transactions at the bank, but i guess that’s to be expected. It’s a small price to pay for such a valuable service.

I arrived at my grandma’s house a little after noon and I think she was pretty happy to see me. Of course, the first thing she did when she saw me was make a comment about my attire. I didn’t really mind though. She an old lady and she’s not exactly on the cutting edge of fashion like I am. Still, it kind of hurt when she said my jeans looked “like they were designed by retards.” Foolish grandmother, she had obviously never heard of…

Three-Legged Jeans

SNL Three Legged Jeans

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Video [via MySpace]

Clothing choices aside, my grandma was indeed glad to see me. She had recently gotten a new computer and needed a little help using it. I gave her a basic run through and i showed her how useful the internet can be.

“Hey grandma, you know how you have your investment account with Dillon/Edwards, well look how easily you can get all their info online at…

www.clowpenis.fart

Ad

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Video [via MySpace]

My grandma was a bit perplexed by the whole “www.clownpenis.fart” thing, but I think it’s only because she’s old and doesn’t have much experience with computers.

“So where do you want to go for lunch, grandma?” I asked.

“Well, Matthew, I thought we’d try a new place this time. I saw a lovely commercial on the TV yesterday about a place that reminded me of when I used to work on the farm. We used to have a lot of chickens on our farm, and it sure was hard work getting them from the coop to the dinner table. Did you know that when you cut a chicken’s head off its beak will keep on moving and making noises even when the body is dead?”

“Ohh, I didn’t know that, grandma.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was the other way around. She must’ve just gotten a bit confused after seeing that commercial for…

Cluckin Chicken

SNL Cluckin Chicken

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Video [via MySpace]

Just as we were leaving her house, the mail carrier came and delivered my grandmother’s mail. As she leafed through her letters, my grandma saw one that piqued her interest.

“What a relief, I finally got that insurance. You know, it’s good to be protected just in case an angry robot breaks free from one of those science labs and goes on a rampage.”

“Come on, grandma, they don’t make robots like that. Robots are helpful creatures. Haven’t you ever seen Rocky IV?”

Apparently she hadn’t, and she was convinced that robots were killing machines who preyed on old people. That’s why she had purchased some…

Old Glory Robot Insurance

Video [via YouTube]

We went and had a nice lunch together and it turned out to be a nice little Saturday. Later on I got a call on my cell from a number I didn’t recognize. The name on the caller ID was “Mildred.” Needless to say, I didn’t bother picking up.

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