VIDEO: Q: What Do Fat Chicks and Chainsaws Have in Common? A: They’re the Two Scariest Things to See When You First Open Your Eyes in the Morning.
Is it wrong that my main reason for having children is so I’ll have people to pull hilarious pranks on without fear of retribution? Only kidding, of course. My real reason for having kids will be so I can have my own personal, miniature butlers. I mean, I guess I could hire a midget butler, a la Tattoo from Fantasy Island, but that might be kind of expensive. Also, I don’t think a midget would put up with the constant, severe beatings like a child would.
-MATT
Since we know you so well, you'll like this too: