Hello friends, and welcome to the 5th installment of my “Worst YouTube Videos of the Week” feature. I honestly thought I would get bored with this feature after the first or second week, but to my credit, I’ve stuck with it. I guess it’s just a testament to the passion that I have for making fun of people. It truly is my favorite hobby, and I feel extremely fortunate that I now have YouTube to keep me entertained. Ok, on to the videos.

1. Girl Makes a Video Consisting Entirely of Her Failed Attempts at Blowing Bubbles. Moderately Intelligent Chimps Everywhere Laugh at Her Ineptitude.

I just don’t understand people sometimes. It might be because my massive IQ prevents me from relating to the common man. Or, more probably, it’s due to the fact that a lot of people are retards.

There are many things I don’t do well: I have no musical ability whatsoever, I suck at public speaking, I can’t golf to save my life…the list goes on and on. Since these are weaknesses of mine, I would never make a video that featured me doing any of these activities…unless it was absolutely hilarious. And no matter how hilarious, I wouldn’t even consider making a video of myself failing to do something that most 5 year olds can accomplish.

Video [via YouTube]

2. One-Legged Lady Hops Around in a Circle. That’s It. That’s the Entire Video.

Come on. Hopping around in a circle? This lady is an embarrassment for amputees everywhere. I’m glad she’s confident enough to display her disability on video, but she could’ve at least tried to do something remotely interesting. Personally, if I had a stump for a leg, I’d go around freaking people out with my prosthetic limb, a la that guy with the fake arm in Arrested Development.

Video [via YouTube]

3. Girl Hobbles Around on Crutches Then Rubs Her Leg Cast…I Am Strangely Aroused.

I racked my brain trying to figure out whom this video was targeted at. The best thing that I could think of is that maybe there are people out there who get off on watching a girl rub a gigantic leg cast. We do live in a world filled with weirdos, so I guess a cast fetish wouldn’t be that far-fetched. Ok, now supposing my assumption is correct, I still don’t see how anyone could find this particular video sexy. I mean, the girl is doing it all wrong. She needs to arch her back, pout her lips, and for God’s sake, rub that leg with some feeling!

And I know I keep making fun of disabled people, but it’s ok. I’m not making fun of their disabilities; I’m just making fun of their terrible video-making abilities.

Video [via YouTube]

4. Annoying Fat Chick Who Thinks Way Too Highly of Her Own Breasts

As soon as I saw that this person’s YouTube username, I knew I was in for a craptacular video. Choosing “twohugeones” as your username is usually a good indicator that you won’t be putting out any Scorcese-caliber videos. After watching this video, I really feel like “twohugeones” is a bit misleading, however. Sure, this chick has big boobs (and she’s way too enamored with them), but I feel like I should let her in on a little secret – You’re not unique. A lot of fat people have large breasts. Go on a diet and see what happens to your “twohugeones.” Also, please stop making videos.

Video [via YouTube]

5. Guy Makes Very Little Effort to Disguise the Fact That He’s Reading from a Script…A Very Boring Script

Come on, guy, did you really need to write out a script for your video? You just babble on for about two minutes about how much you love the crappy YouTube community. You’re telling me that you couldn’t even memorize 1 minute and 47 seconds of speech? Pathetic.

You also lose major points for mentioning “warren25smash,” a man who is no stranger to the “Worst YouTube Videos of the Week” feature. As a matter of fact, “warren25smash” is also the sole reason why I continue the work on my “punch people in the face via the internet” machine. He’s so lucky that I haven’t managed to defy the laws of physics…yet.

Video [via YouTube]

Welcome to another edition of The Worst YouTube Videos of the Week.

As satisfying as it is to make fun of people every week for polluting the internet with their lame videos, I still feel like something is missing. I feel like I should be doing more to stop these people from continuing to make awful videos. That is why I’ve decided to start posting a comment on every video that I feature here on TWYTVOTW. (What a crappy acronym. I should’ve gone with my gut instinct and named this feature “Videos Aren’t Good. I’m Not Amused”).

Anyways, here’s the comment I’m going to post on the YouTube pages of all videos that appear in this feature: “Congratulations! This video has earned a spot in my Worst YouTube Videos of the Week post. This is nothing personal, it’s just that you are not good at making videos. At all. I suggest you stop this practice immediately and instead focus your energy on other activities, such as: reading, making friends, learning to be entertaining, or playing in traffic. Thanks in advance. –MATT”

Ok, now on to the videos.

1. The World’s Most Boring Video. BONUS: Narrated By a Moron

Ok, for those of you aren’t up to date on the latest happenings in the YouTube community, I envy you. Anyways, there’s a kid who goes by “DaxFlame” who plays a hilarious socially awkward character that makes a video blog. It’s kind of a cross between that nerdy spaz in high school who everyone made fun of and Jim Carrey’s character from The Cable Guy. His videos are generally pretty funny, but they do tend to be overacted a bit. One more thing about DaxFlame is that he does not explicitly specify that he’s a fictional character, but it’s painfully obvious to anyone above retard-level intelligence.

Speaking of retard-level intelligence, that brings us to the creator of this video. He, fancying himself a modern-day Sherlock Holmes, set out to PROVE that DaxFlame is a fictional character, apparently for the benefit of morons around the world. Proving this point consists of recapping all of DaxFlame’s videos (can you say stalker?), completely mispronouncing the word “innuendo,” and mixing up Charles Dickens and Emily Dickinson to form the fictional poet/author Charles Dickinson. Please don’t even watch this video.

Video [via YouTube]

2. Ugly Dude Reads a Religious Poem by An Unknown Author. He Should’ve Followed Suit and Made the Video Anonymously…With a Bag Over His Face

Geez, guy, why are you so close to your camera? You don’t exactly have the face for video (or the voice for radio, for that matter). Personally, I thought the poem itself was filled with platitudes and relied too heavily on its usage of redundancy, but if you really wanted to feature it in a video, you probably should’ve just had the words flash across the screen instead of subjecting people to your ugly mug.

Also, what exactly are you trying to accomplish by calling out atheists? You really think some atheist is going to watch your video and say, “Wow, what a beautifully-read, inspiring poem! I can’t believe how wrong I’ve been. Hello, operator, get me the number of the nearest seminary.”?

Video [via YouTube]

3. Guy Makes Fun of George W. Bush’s Intelligence. He Is Officially the One Billionth Person to Do So.

I guess a little while ago someone made a video on YouTube asking other people to make videos showing their favorite sandwiches. Oh boy! This is just the opportunity for Dreadlock Man, comedian extraordinaire, to step up and show off his dazzling wit. You see, Dreadlock Man thinks George W. Bush is an idiot. Never mind the fact that he has degrees from Yale and Harvard and he’s obtained most powerful leadership position in the world. He’s a bad public speaker and he’s made some questionable foreign policies, so he’s clearly an idiot. The George W. Bush sandwich is one with nothing inside. Hahahaha, get it? The sandwich is empty like his head. Pure comedy gold.

Note: I am not defending George W. Bush. I think he is a terrible president. I just think he’s a lot smarter than most people give him credit for. And he’s definitely a lot smarter than people who make crappy YouTube videos poking fun at one of the easiest targets out there.

Video [via YouTube]

4. Formula for Failure: Stupid Girl + Nothing Interesting Being Said At All + Tilting Camera = Completely Worthless Video

Anytime a video starts out with “I was bored, so I decided to make a video,” it’s probably going to suck. People need to stop making YouTube videos when they’re bored and instead work on making themselves more entertaining. This video is like a lot of worthless videos that I’ve come across before, but what really sets it apart and makes it truly awful is the stupid tilting camera. If I ever find myself attempting to make the worst video possible, I’ll be sure to follow her lead and incorporate the tilting camera technique. It’s guaranteed to make any video at least 25% worse.

Video [via YouTube]

5. Newsflash: Incorporating Pets and Video Effects into a Video Cannot Make Unfunny People Any Funnier

I love watching videos of people like this who think they’re a lot funnier than they really are. Actually, no I don’t, but it is more amusing to me than people who just make awful videos and don’t try to be funny. I mean, I’m sure a lot of people don’t even care about the quality of video that they upload to YouTube, and those people are the main reason why there are so many bad videos out there. However, there will always be people like this who just have a poor understanding of what is funny. They scripted this whole thing out, added some cool effects with their video editing software, and created a video that they obviously thought was funny. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

Video [via YouTube]

Matt here, with a special Valentine’s edition of The Worst YouTube Videos of the Week. This past week, YouTube featured a lot of dateless losers expressing their hatred for Valentine’s Day, a lot of cheesy romantics making video Valentines for their special someones, and a lot of weird Valentines videos using anime characters (I didn’t even bother watching those). When it was all said and done, I managed to pick out the five worst videos of the week. Although the number one video is so terrible that I’m thinking it might have actually crossed the threshold into “so bad it’s actually good” territory. Anyways, here you go.

1. Man Tries to Win Back His Lost Love By Making A Video for Her. Prediction: Valentine’s Day Is Going to Be Awful Lonely for Him This Year.

This video clocks in at a rather lengthy 10:53, but trust me, you’ve got to watch the whole thing. (Turn down your volume first though. There’s some crappy country music playing in the background.) Some highlights:
1:21 – “I would do anything to be with you, babe…anything.” Is that so, Ryan? Would you kill your own mother to be with her? Hah, I didn’t think so, liar.
3:29 – Tatiana in a bikini. That Tatiana is one hot piece of ace, I know from experience, dude. If you know what I mean…well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her GOT. IT. ON. Wooo-eee… no, no, they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they, eh, eh… everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful.
9:03 – Big Dave: “Ryan, he won’t shut up about you. He’s always saying how he loves you and shit. And, uhh…that’s all I gotta say.” Powerful words, Big Dave, powerful words.
In addition to these highlights, the video also contains every letter that Tatiana ever wrote to Ryan, as well as some heartfelt messages from Ryan that are rife with spelling and grammatical errors. Enjoy!

Link [via YouTube]

2. Crazy Guy with a Huge Knife Expresses His Distaste for Valentine’s Day. I Totally Agree, Man. (Please Don’t Kill Me)

Wow, I’m kind of afraid to make fun of this guy. Call me a coward if you must, but I have this strange aversion to being stabbed. Um, overall I thought this was a amazing video. I love Marilyn Manson and I thought the guy in the video really fed off of Manson’s energy and created a truly powerful video. The hunting knife through the potato scene was probably my favorite overall, due to its metaphorical significance. In conclusion, I really enjoyed this video and I am eagerly awaiting more videos from this brilliant director.

Link [via YouTube]

3. Unfunny Girl with A.D.D. Makes a Video in Which She Laughs Entirely Too Much. No One Else Is Amused.

You know your video is not going well when three quarters of the way through it you say, “Ahh, screw this. This is so dumb. I apologize.” Now let me ask you this – if you, being the producer of video, stop and think “wow, this is stupid,” how do you think other people are going to react to it? Do you think they’re going to be like, “Whoa, this is awesome! I love it how her jokes aren’t funny at all and she laughs way too much!”? Granted, it is sometimes funny when actors in movies or TV shows break into fits of laughter and can’t complete their lines, but that’s because those people are professionals and the audience gets to see them in a completely different light. The only light I’d like to see the girl from this video in is a dimmer light that obscures her face a bit more. Hey-o!

Link [via YouTube]

4. Annoying, Goofy-Looking Guy (Who Probably Has Never Had a Date in His Life) Hates Valentine’s Day. Hmm, I Can’t Imagine Why.

This guy is pretty squirrelly-looking, but he actually freaked me out a bit. Just listen to how many anecdotes he has about observing couples. He’s definitely that creepy guy at the mall who walks just a little too close to people and has a look of jealous rage in his eyes. Later on in his video, he makes a seemingly innocent reference to an uzi…or maybe it’s not so innocent. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if this guy goes on a murderous rampage in some fancy restaurant full of couples on Valentine’s Day. It also wouldn’t surprise me at all if he just stayed in on Valentine’s Day, silently weeping into his pillow.

Link [via YouTube]

5. Man in Wife Beater and Boxers Lip Syncs to Cher. I Hope to God This Video Was the Result of a Lost Bet.

Ok, I have to admit, this video was kind of funny. My main objection to this video is how much effort must’ve been put into it. It’s fine if someone makes an impromptu video of themselves in their underwear singing along to a crappy song, but I don’t think that was the case here. The fact that this video was probably extensively planned out is what I take issue with. I mean, come on, what kind of man knows all the words to Cher’s Believe ( I just looked up the title of the song.)? And nobody has a fuzzy pink hat and wings just lying around their house. That guy had to go out to the store and pay actual money for that stuff, money that could’ve been spent on hookers or booze. For shame.

Link [via YouTube]

Matt here with the 2nd ever installment of The Worst YouTube Videos of the Week. I know this is only my second post of this nature, but I’m already getting worn out. I have watched way too many crappy videos lately. I hope you enjoy this latest batch of garbage, I know I didn’t.

1. World’s Angriest Man Yells into His Camera. Nobody Cares (Language NSFW).

Ok, I’m not going to debate what happened with the Kansas City police or what’s going on in Iraq. Quite frankly, those just aren’t very funny topics to write about. What is funny, however, is somebody yelling obscenities into a camera and then posting the video on YouTube. There is no way this guy is legitimately that angry with the U.S., the Kansas City police, or Bill O’Reilly. No, the true source of his anger stems from the fact that he’s probably about 5’2 and has no friends. Because of his small stature and lack of social skills, he probably got mercilessly picked on the schoolyard bullies and ignored by all the girls, even the really ugly ones. Over the years a tremendous amount of anger has built up inside of him, but due to his complete lack of physical ability, his only outlet for his anger is through YELLING REALLY LOUDLY INTO A CAMERA AND HOPING PEOPLE WILL LISTEN. Best line in the video comes in at the 2:58 mark when the angry little guy says, “I don’t want to be some pathetic little flamer…” Sorry buddy, it might be a little too late for that.

Link [via YouTube]

2. This Old Guy Is Way Too Full of Himself. Old People Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Use Computers.

Wow, there are so many things wrong with this video, I hardly know where to begin. First of all, a pipe? Are you serious? You’re actually going to make a video with an UNLIT pipe in your mouth? Newsflash, old man, it doesn’t make you look distinguished; it just makes you look like a douchebag. Secondly, just because someone made a phony account on another website using your name doesn’t mean you should be flattered. I’m sure they just did it to mock you because they hate you and your crappy videos. Lastly, am I mistaken, or did I hear him use the word “fortnight”? The only reason to ever use the word “fortnight” is if you want to make yourself look like a pompous ass

Link [via YouTube]

3. The World’s Dumbest Atheist Demands That His Website Hosting Service Reinstate His Website or Else They’ll Feel the Wrath of a God That He Doesn’t Believe In.

This guy isn’t quite as angry as the dude in the first video (probably because he’s a bit taller), but he’s pretty angry nonetheless. He’s angry because his web hosting service deemed his website offensive and removed it. This action was probably well within their rights and was probably specified in their terms of service, but since this guy can barely read, I’m sure he missed that part. Seriously, after watching this guy read, I wouldn’t doubt it if his website was taken down simply because it contained too many spelling and grammar mistakes. My absolute favorite part of the video though is when the guy unintentionally channels Derek Zoolander and says, about his boycott, “…making it at the very least…10 to 100 times more expensive as the money you took from me.”

Link [via YouTube]

4. Crazy Japanese Lady Talks to Her Cat. I Can’t Understand Anything That Is Spoken or Subtitled, But I’m Pretty Sure It Sucked.

Ok, since I don’t read or speak Japanese, I can’t say with absolute certainty that this video is crap. I guess I can only say with 99.99% cetainty that this video is crap. Seriously, why do people film their pets so much? Between my own and my friends’ pets, I’ve encountered a lot of animals in my day and I’ve never once felt compelled to videotape one. Actually, I take that back. There was this one time when a stupid neighbor kid’s dog bit my arm. I wish I had a video camera with me then; that had lawsuit written all over it.

Link [via YouTube]

5. A Couple Teenage Girls Lip-synch and Dance to Hit Me Baby One More Time. Perverts Everywhere Rejoice.

First off, these girls aren’t bad looking. Their dancing was pretty mediocre, especially since it looked like they had choreographed some stuff prior to making the video, but it wasn’t terrible. No, the video itself wasn’t actually that bad. What I take issue with is the motive behind the video. I can see these girls getting together and wanting to have some fun dancing. I can even see them gently kissing, caressing one another’s nubile body, then slowly removing their pan…whoops, got sidetracked there. I can see them videotaping themselves dancing, but why post that video on YouTube? Are they looking to become online friends with a bunch of dirty old men? Hmm, if so, I’d better get in contact with them. I’m not that old, but I definitely make up for it with my dirtiness.

Link [via YouTube]